A Memorial
For
Banshee
Well All good stories have a
beginning, middle and an end. I think you might want to hear this
from the start, so here it goes. Banshee is a small, slender 9-year-old
female black cat. For her whole life, she has been my constant
companion, friend and watchdog. This is a strange cat. For years
she would jump up the side of the tub and on to the bathroom sink meow and
then stand up on her little back legs and reach up as high as she could and
give me a hug. She would also watch me take baths; she would lap up some
clean bath water and purr while watching me. If she got bored doing that,
she would then jump into the sink where I usually placed my clean clothes and
bath towel and curl up and sleep. For some odd reason she choose the
bathroom as our special place. That was where most of our bonding occurred;
I like to think that it was because the other cats hardly would follow me
there and in reality, she was very territorial and possessive. She would jump
in my gym shorts or pants when I would use the bathroom and look up at me as if
to say "Aren't I cute”. She also liked to jump on my lap and
purr and go to sleep there. Every night she would paw at the
bed covers until I let her come under the covers. She would then curl up
next to me, groom herself, which made me feel soooooooo great that she
choose me as her bathtub and then she would sleep next to me , sometimes
staying there the whole night. For all you single pet owners, take this
from me; take lots of pictures of your animals. Right now that is my
biggest regret.
Truth is, I
never asked for Banshee. She just came into my life. Now
don't get me wrong. I totally love this cat, in fact as I write this page
I'm agonizing over the fact that I have to force-feed her and that she is
weak and wobbly in her feet. This cat was far, far from perfect. She growled every
time you picked her up, she hissed at the other cats, she was temperamental and
moody, not to mention a bit of a bully. Despite these faults, I still
love her. She always told me what she thought, followed me around
the apartment and made sure that I was never alone. She would often sit
on my lap while I was putting on my pants or grabbing my finger and licking it.
On May 1 2005 I got the wake
up call. Banshee was lathergic and anxious. She was trying to pee
and not having much luck. I took her to the vet the following Monday.
She was diagnosed with a gastrointestinal infection, and a mild case of
dehydration. She was send home with liquid antibiotics. Truth is I
think I failed with those antibiotics the first time she would fight and then
drool these massive mastiff type drools trails. I took her back a
few days later, she was pretty much peeing puss. The possibility of an
infected uterus was discussed and the need for an emergency spaying. This
was about that time she was admitted to the vet for a week. She was
there for a week. In desperation I agreed to let another vet do an
ultrasound on her. I still remember the vet saying that something invaded
the kidneys and altered "the architecture of the
kidneys". When I asked her what this meant she said that to her it
seemed like the kidneys had CANCER in them. The word alone made
my knees buckle and I almost dropped, but I stood my ground and made my decision. I took her home
thinking that if she was going the pass away that it should be at home.
So on May 11th I took her home with antibiotics and a saline IV kit that had a
B complex vitamins and potassium in it. At first I felt really guilty about
sticking her twice a day to get her hydrated and give her kidneys an extra
chance to flush her out. That first week was great she started showing
great improvement. The second week was cool too, but then on the 26th she
started to go back to being lethargic and she vomited up food. I took her
in that Saturday, May 28th. Her scores showed a dramatic back slide they
almost doubled. My heart sunk. I took her home once again with the
resolve to help her beat this thing I gave the extra fluids and watched
her. On Tuesday May 31st. I took her back to get re-tested.
The scores showed improvement, so once again I felt better, hope once again
shone through. I took her to a third vet, a holistic one because I
was concerned with the possibility that traditional cancer treatments would be
very invasive and hard on what little kidney function she had left. He
looked her over and gave me a few more medicines to give her.
Keep in mind that at this point that she hasn't eaten for almost a week and was
constipated. So on the first of June I gave her an enema. It
worked, she pooped out these pebbly little grains and I was glad.
Then came the hard task, I had to feed her. Realizing this, I warmed up some wet
food with a little extra water and proceeded to give it to her. It was a
messy experience. But I managed to give her almost half a can of
food. So here it is Friday June 3rd and I'm writing this as part of my
grieving process and to let you know some of what I learned about myself, the
cat and some lessons in life.
I learned that I really care about this cat. I have spent the better part
of the past 3 days almost crying over her possible loss, I cried because I feel
for her and that I want the old cat back. For some odd reason I
never denied what was going on but kept on thinking that this cat was given a
raw deal. I've also learned something that other people already knew
about me. I never back away from those big commitments that I will do
what I can to honor then and keep up with them. I've also learned that I need
to take care of myself because I'm no good to someone relying on me if I'm
sick. I also learned three main things from this whole thing. I
learned that I am not really alone in this and I don't have to be if I am
honest with people and let them know when I start to stress out and get
overwhelmed. I learned that you need to cherish both the good and bad
memories about someone you love and the last thing is that I can't ever give up
if someone else is counting on me. I also found that i had s strength that i didnt know that I had. I also got a chance to see how others see me as a caregiver and compassionate individual. I got a taste of how parents feel when a child becomes ill and the stress that they go through. I also learned that I most likely make a good parents since I'm willing to make similar sacrafices for the cat that a parent would make for their child. I just really think that its a shame that all these lessons I learned, but in the end the teacher had to die. My biggest regret is that I don't have
a lot of pictures of her. So for all you parents, pet owners and people
in general, BUY a camera and USE IT!!.... ALOT I did
buy 2 disposable cameras and am almost done with the second one, filling it
with shots of her. I'm saving the last for so someone can take some
pictures of me holding her, a group picture of all those who knew her and the
last one will be of me holding her as she passes on.
Now the possible ending of this story. I've contacted Genetic savings
and clone. This is the company that has been cloning cats and may be
you have heard of them. Anyways I'm going to save some of Banshee's
Tissues. The company is sending me out a "bio-box” which is
really a basic fridge for sending tissue samples over night. The company
is going to store her tissues for a few years and when I'm ready both
financially and emotionally I will bring her back. I know some of you are
going " Isn't that expensive?" Well yes and no. The
cloning can be, its $32,000 a shot now, but its coming down, it used to be
$50,000. But its not about the final cost, I'll wait till it comes
down. By then I should be making decent money as a teacher and have saved
up a little. The initial cost and storage fees count towards the cloning
and are in a sense a down payment. The initial cost is $390, which
includes the round trip nest day air shipping of the box, and the storage fee
for a year. After that the cost to store her tissues are $100 or $150
depending on the type of tissues stored. But the main reason is that I'm
doing this because even if she does pass away, then I know that a small part of
her is still there. While I understand that the base personality,
temperament and physical appearance will be exactly the same, those parts of
her personality that she learned won't be, So in short if I raise her
pretty much the same way, the clone should act the same way, but I'm cool it
its not exactly 100% the same. I plan on doing this with my other cats
too. I believe that she was intended for me to have. Its just that
now there is some little girl who needs part of who Banshee is a bit more
then I do right now. I gave her a good run for nine years and we are
connected on the emotional and spiritual level. When we are both ready,
Banshee will find her way home to me, I just want to make sure I'll recognize
her and that she has an familiar body and home to look forward to.
I'm also looking at moving into a new apartment, a bit bigger one with two
bedrooms. I'm excited about moving into a bigger space. First order
of business, make sure that all the screens fit and that the cats can't get
out. Then every window is going to have a window still seat so some
kitties can sun themselves and enjoy the outside world. I know that a
certain Half-pint would like that. A friend is also holding onto a small
black female kitten for me. I know some people are saying "Don't get
a pet until you have grieved the last one” I gave that cat 9 well years,
so I have a hole in my life. Why not give a new kitten a good home and
love? It balances out I get my hole healed and a kitten gets a
loving environment.
Well I just gave Banshee her fluids and meds. The forced feeding is
getting easier, but it still hurts, wish me luck
till next time
Ross
News flash: Today is June 6,
one week short of Banshee's 9th birthday. I took her to the vet this
morning. Before we went, she tried drinking from the edge of the tub and
fell in. She just sat there until I picked her up and dried her
off. Her numbers were honestly good, 101 BUN and 4.07 Creatine, but her
right kidney had enlarged even more, meaning the cancer spread and her legs had
almost no muscle mass at all. She’s tired, hurting and really weak.
It was with great remorse, emotion and sadness that I decided to let her
go. The vet and several of the staff cried and took pictures of her
as we gave her the muscle relaxant. She stayed in my arms as the vet gave
her the anesthesia overdose. She passed away peacefully and, at my request they
shaved her fur for me and took her biopsy samples.
I will miss you little girl, but it’s only for a short while that you will be
gone. I'll see you again in a few years when I can bring you back.
Thank you for showing me how strong I can be and how much I care about those
who have been trusted to my care. Thank you for all the snuggles. purrs
and time you gave me. Thank you for being my friend, companion and movie
partner. I'm sorry that you had to go, but you'll be back.
Feel free to drop in from time to time and let me know how you feel. I
love you Banshee and will miss you a lot.
